Ephesians 5: Why is Marriage So Hard?

Josh Laughlin | August 9th, 2026

Why Marriage Is Worth Fighting For

Marriage is one of the most beautiful and one of the most difficult things a human being can pursue. The statistics alone tell part of the story — roughly 40% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and the numbers among Christians are not much better. If marriage is such a gift, why does it so often fall apart? And more importantly, what can we do about it?

The answers to those questions are not found in a self-help book or a weekend retreat, though those things have their place. The answers are woven throughout Scripture, beginning as early as the second chapter of Genesis, where God looked at Adam in a perfect creation and said it was not good for man to be alone. From the very beginning, God designed human beings for covenant relationship. He designed marriage.

Genesis 2 describes the moment God fashioned woman from man's rib and brought her to him. The man's response was immediate and full of wonder — bone of his bones, flesh of his flesh. And from that moment, the pattern was set: a man leaves his father and mother, holds fast to his wife, and the two become one flesh. Jesus himself repeated this pattern in Mark 10, reminding the Pharisees that what God has joined together, no man should separate. Marriage is not a human invention. It is a divine one. And that means it is worth protecting.

So why is it so hard?

The answer, at least in part, is found in 1 John 2:15-17, where the apostle warns against three forces that work against everything God intends for our lives: the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life. These three forces do not stay outside the front door of a marriage. They come right in and set up camp.

The Desires of the Flesh

Sexual immorality is one of the leading contributors to divorce, cited in anywhere from 20 to 40 percent of cases. And yet our culture treats sexual temptation as something trivial, as if human beings are simply animals following instinct with no higher calling. Scripture disagrees entirely.

Paul's instruction in 1 Corinthians 6 is direct: flee from sexual immorality. The word he uses in the original Greek suggests not a one-time decision but an ongoing, habitual action. Fleeing is not passive. It is active. It requires drawing a line in the sand and deciding in advance what you will and will not do, what situations you will and will not put yourself in. Jesus himself said in Matthew 5:27-28 that looking at someone with lustful intent is already adultery in the heart. That standard includes pornography, and it raises the bar for all of us.

The call is simple, even if it is not easy: remove whatever is causing you to stumble. If a situation at work is dangerous, pray about changing it. If a device is a problem, get rid of it. Your covenant with your spouse is worth more than your comfort or convenience.

The Desires of the Eyes

Covetousness in marriage often looks like comparison. We watch another couple and think, I wish we had what they have. We look at our spouse and think, someone else would appreciate me more. We grow ungrateful for what we have been given because we are too busy looking at what someone else has.

Ephesians 5 names covetousness directly and then offers its antidote just a few verses later: thanksgiving. Gratitude is the weapon against comparison and discontentment. When you stop to genuinely thank your spouse for the things they do, something shifts. It is difficult to resent the person you are actively appreciating. It is difficult to covet someone else's marriage when you are busy being grateful for your own.

The homework is straightforward but meaningful: think of five specific things you are grateful for about your spouse, and then do something to show it. Not a vague gesture, but something intentional. Gratitude expressed out loud has the power to change the atmosphere in a home.

The Pride of Life

Pride may be the most stubborn enemy of a healthy marriage. It is the voice that says I will not apologize. It is the force that keeps an argument going long after both people have forgotten what they were even fighting about. It is the refusal to yield, to serve, or to put someone else first.

Ephesians 5 addresses this directly in its famous passage on marriage. Wives are called to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church — and gave himself up for her. That second part is the one that often gets overlooked. Christlike love is not passive or comfortable. It is self-sacrificial. It looks like washing dirty feet. It looks like laying down your preferences, your pride, and your need to win for the sake of the person you have covenanted with.

The Enemy Hates Your Marriage

There is one more thing worth naming plainly: the enemy of your soul hates your marriage. He hates it not because of who you are, but because of what a covenant marriage represents. The family unit is the foundation of society and a living witness to the love of God. When marriages fall apart, the kingdom of God loses ground. When marriages hold together through hardship and forgiveness and sacrifice, the kingdom advances.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. When you are in conflict with your spouse, your real enemy is not the person across the table from you. It is the spiritual forces working to create division, bitterness, and defeat. Knowing that changes everything about how you fight.

The good news is that the enemy has already lost. Colossians 2:13-15 declares that Christ disarmed every ruler and authority, triumphing over them at the cross. You are not fighting for victory. You are fighting from it.

Your marriage is worth the fight. Take the ground.