Sermon Transcript

Hey, you guys can sit down.

I don't have Jake's cool voice.

I wish I was... Hi, I'm Josh.

That sounds weird.

I sound sick.

Hey, let's pray.

I'm excited for today.

We're going to have a good time.

But I always think it's a good idea to invite the Lord in before we get going.

So God, just thank you for, I thank you for revival.

I thank you for a place, Lord, that loves you, that welcomes your spirit, that fosters an environment of worship to praise the one true God, the one big G capital God in the universe, Lord.

And that is an exciting place to be, Father.

So just thank you for...

your presence here.

We thank you for your Holy Spirit, Father.

We thank you for your word and how it's living and active and how every time we read it, we get something new from it.

And that's not an accident.

You are a profound being beyond our imagination.

It's incredible.

I'm humbled every time I get to preach that.

I'm like, man, I did not ever see this before.

And I just keep finding new mysteries every week with you guys.

So just thank you for that, guys.

Pray it'd be a very encouraging message for people today.

Father, I just thank you for

Just love and relationships and covenant.

And God, just pray that you bless people here.

And you bless me, Father, too.

Take all my words I'm not supposed to say away.

And I hope all your words come forth.

And just help us have a great time.

Amen.

Yeah, we can clap.

I like that.

That awkward clap, I like it.

There we go.

That's better.

All right, hey, last time I got to talk.

I don't do this often, so if you're new here, Jake always likes to tell me all the people who are going to be new here.

So he's like, hey, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law are here.

They haven't been here before.

He likes to put me on the spot, make me feel nervous.

Joke's on him, I'm already nervous a little bit.

But we're going to have a good time.

But last time I did this was in March, and Pastor Alex asked me in March to speak, and he was like, hey, you want to talk on 1 Peter 3?

And I was like...

Sure, what's it about?

And he's like, oh, it's not controversial at all.

And so I said this last time, I'm going to say it again.

I think I have it on the board up here for 1 Peter 3, 1 through 7.

I'm in the ESV for all my stuff, so I'll just say, we'll just start right away with it.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

I just like that right away.

It's like, yeah, I'll take this one off.

You do, wives, be subject to your own husbands.

No big deal.

And I like going to the last part of seven.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in understanding.

in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so your prayers may not be hindered.

This is the word of God, not me saying this, so I like to say women are pretty strong.

I think I've always had a universal truth that if men gave birth to children, there'd be one kid per family, and I'm just saying it.

I'll never forget when my wife was like, let's have another baby.

I'm like, you want to do it again?

That was crazy.

I don't know about that.

So I'll say women are strong, but there's a way that we're blessed and we're supposed to have our roles in the family.

But I was just laughing because I read this last time, and I originally thought when I talked about 1 Peter 3, I was going to talk about marriage.

And if you were here for that, I did not talk about marriage at all.

This was my opening and my icebreaker, and then I never spoke about it again.

My dad called me out and was like, I like that you talked about wives submit to your own husbands and then never brought it back again.

And I was like, that was on purpose.

So there's a lot of really other great things we talked about.

We talked about giants, other gods, the Nephilim.

We talked about deliverance.

It was a lot of fun.

When Pastor Alex about a month ago was like, hey, you want to speak in Ephesians?

And I was like, okay, maybe.

And he was like, you can do Ephesians 5.

And I took it as a sign, because if you don't know Ephesians 5, if you Google the most popular passage, what's the most popular passage in the Bible on marriage?

Ephesians 5, 22 through 33 comes up.

And we're going to read that now.

And I took this as my sign from the Holy Spirit, like, all right, it's time to let it rip.

It's time to talk about marriage.

So here we go.

Wives, submit to your own husband...

As to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit and everything to their husbands.

It says,

because we are members of his body.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Today's message is on marriage.

And I'm gonna say this now, I've done I think only one public speaking class, so I'll just know what my one topic was.

The one major no-no in public speaking is don't alienate your audience.

In other words, when you go to like a high school group,

They do not want to hear you talk about parenting.

They're like, hey, beat it, old man.

Like, we're not parents.

We don't even like our parents, so don't talk about parenting.

Marriage is, the subject itself is alienating because some of you in here are not married or you have been married and maybe it didn't end out so well, okay?

And so I want to acknowledge that right out of the gate because the real question is, why should I care about this?

Like, why should, this doesn't apply to me.

Why does this matter?

And so I want to address those two groups of people.

The first group, for people who have been married and are not any longer.

I will say, I am usually a little worried about getting up here to talk, but today I am a little bit more worried, because I recognize marriage is a very controversial subject, and around the subject of marriage, there's a lot of trauma and there's a lot of wounds, and it's real.

And I'm not trying to ignore that.

I do not want to ignore that.

What I do know is, this book talks a lot about marriage, so it must be important, and it must be important for everybody.

And what I also know is this, this book tells me that we serve a God who can heal wounds, who can deliver people from trauma, who can take your bad memories and create new ones.

That's what I know.

And on a practical level, what I tell people who used to be married and aren't anymore is, if there's anything else, we can learn, the people who are married, can learn from you.

Your mistakes or things that maybe didn't go so right, sometimes other people's experiences are the very best teacher.

There's a guy in my small group, and I asked if I could talk about him today just so I didn't put him on the spot, but Adam Hood's here in the back, and I asked if I could speak about Adam.

Adam's in my small group.

He is a single man, and he is the oldest guy in our small group by just a couple years.

That makes me feel better because I'm the next oldest, so I'd like to have somebody a little older than me.

Adam's in our small group, and last semester, we're going over a book about...

families, and about leading families.

It's called Habits of the Households.

And I was just, I've never been more grateful that Adam was in my group, because he's got two kids who are way older than all our kids, and it's just good to get some wisdom.

And I just remember after a group one time, Adam told me, I don't know why you guys would listen to me.

I have a failed marriage.

Why listen to me?

And I just thought, dude, Adam, you have more wisdom than I could ever, than about, you forgot more about marriage than I know about it, I feel like.

And there's so much to that that's so important.

We need people like you to speak into our lives.

And what I know is this, is every week I pray for my small group.

I'm only going to cry five times today, so I'm trying to hold one back here.

I'm trying to pocket.

Every week I pray for my small group.

I pray for every single person by name.

I pray for all your kids by name.

I've been praying for Adam for a long time.

And what I know is this, at the right time, God's going to bring a lady into your life.

And that one's going to work out.

That one's going to last.

And I'm thankful for you, bro.

I really am.

I really am.

All right, that was one.

I can't, man, I was trying to pocket it.

It didn't work.

I'm thankful for you guys in here who have walked through hard relationships so you can come out on the other side and say, hey, here's something I wish I would have done differently.

We, the people who are married, we need that.

We need it real bad.

It's a good reminder.

Now, for the people who are single in here,

I'm going to just go on the real biblical level right away.

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7, I think, it is better to be single.

Now, that is not easy to hear in a culture that says you've got to be yoked to somebody.

You should be married, right?

But Paul says it, so I do think there's something there.

Because really, if you are single, I would tell you enjoy your time.

Because right now, if someone came to me and they're like, hey, Josh, you want to go to South America and build a church?

I'm like...

Well, I got to check with my wife, I got to check the soccer schedule, and I got to check.

You, you're like, I got to check myself, and that's it.

Maybe if you got a dog, you probably need to make sure about that.

The cat will be fine.

You can leave the cat.

So enjoy your time being single.

Enjoy it.

It's a season of life.

But I would say this, too.

On a very logical level, the family unit is the building block of our society.

It is the foundation of what our culture is built upon.

And you more than likely know someone who is married.

So my call to single people is, man, be an encouragement to your friends who are married.

I have a buddy who's not here today, but I asked him to come.

He couldn't make it.

But I have a buddy named Dirk.

Dirk.

It's such a... He's not German.

Yeah, it's just a great name.

But Dirk's 39 years young, and he has been single the entire time I've known him.

He is, however, getting married in November this year.

So I'm really stoked for him.

But I will say this.

Dirk...

has been a huge blessing in my life as a single guy because he has been a constant reminder and encouragement to me about like, bro, don't complain about your wife.

Enjoy, you are blessed.

You get to be married to someone like Lydia.

He is always fighting for me and Lydia.

I feel like he calls me out when I'm wrong and I am so thankful that I have a Dirk in my life.

And that's what my call is for you people who are single.

Be that to somebody else because when your turn comes and you're married, you're gonna want somebody like that in your corner.

It's really important to have.

So I've addressed the people who are alienated in the room now, but I want to get to the people who are married.

All right, let's warm people up a little bit.

All right, if you are married in this house, put your hands up.

Let's see them.

All right, if you've been married less than 10 days, put your hands up.

I'm looking right here at this guy.

He's not gonna do it, right here.

Our mobile cameraman, John, right here.

John and his wife, his wife Marissa's down in the children's ministry right now.

They've been married eight days, John?

John remembers, eight days ago, eight days.

John does not like this.

He does not like to be called out, but I just wanted to call him out really quick.

About three months ago, John and his wife Marissa asked me and my wife to be their mentors.

And boy, if that doesn't make you feel old, I don't know what will.

Like, you want to be my mentor?

I'm like, I don't feel like I'm old enough to be a mentor.

But then John reminded me that when he was born, there was like, I was driving to Star Wars movies before John was even born.

And it's like, well, that's really sad for me.

So anyway.

We've been very blessed.

I love you guys.

I'm so grateful for you.

Their marriage last week, amazing time.

They asked people to come forward and pray for them.

And I thought what a really cool picture was, at the end they played a worship song and here they are holding their hands and they had their other hands lifted in the air.

I'm not going to do two yet.

I'm going to hold on.

But it was so beautiful to see these two young people representing Ecclesiastes and that cord of three strands and seeing people who are 22 years old already know, dude, we want Jesus in our life, and that's first, and then us.

And that's important.

You guys are going to last a long time.

You're so young.

You're going to be married for like 80 years.

Thank you.

So I'm very proud of you guys.

But all right, we'll go back to the people.

You guys have only been married eight days, so you don't know a lot yet.

But let's go back to the other people.

All right, if you've been married longer than five years, put your hands up.

All right, you are past the newlywed pro stage.

That's what I usually call it.

All right, if you've been married longer than 10 years, let's see them.

All right, we're going to drop people off here.

Longer than 25.

Wow, okay.

There's a lot more than I thought.

I'm feeling a little better.

All right, longer than 40.

Holy moly.

Okay, longer than 50.

Still hanging out back there.

And then longer than 60.

I knew it was going to be you two.

I knew it was going to be you two.

These are my grandparents, so that's very exciting.

I did want to take a moment to honor my family and Lydia's family really quick, because I just want to say we have been very blessed.

Lydia's folks and my folks, they've both stuck together the whole way through.

Mom and dad, you're at 43.

Is that right?

Am I remembering?

43?

Mom says yes, so I'll say that's right.

Lydia's parents are at 40 this year.

And then not only have both of our parents stuck it out, but all of our grandparents have made it through too.

And what's interesting, yeah, that is worth a clap, I think.

What's interesting is...

My grandparents, both sets of them, at least they weren't practicing Christians for sure when they got married, and my parents weren't Christians either.

And yet they chose every day to stick together.

And that is a crazy thing when you really think about it.

It's changed the trajectory of our family tree.

I was researching some stuff about marriage, and I got to this point that says...

Research indicates that children of divorced parents are more likely to face, yeah, we have it up here on the board, more likely to face marital challenges and may have greater risk of divorce compared to those from intact families.

This phenomenon is often referred to as intergenerational transmission of divorce, where the patterns of divorce are passed down through generations

In our church circle, we call that a family curse is actually what we call that.

Culture calls that intergenerational transmission of divorce.

We would call it a family curse.

And I don't know if you guys know people like this where it's like, dude, every marriage in our family never works out.

Never.

It never works.

Grandparents are divorced.

Aunts and uncles are divorced.

Maybe you are one of those people who's been divorced.

And again, what I know is, because I work in deliverance ministry, which is helping believers get free from demonic oppression, I've worked with a lot of people who are like, it feels like my marriage is cursed.

Or it feels like that's something that's in my line.

And I know this, that we serve a God who breaks off curses.

It takes one, one person to change a family tree.

One.

That's it.

And today could be that day.

Today could be the day where you say, I'm done.

This is not going to happen to us.

We're standing together.

We're standing together.

And that's really important.

Even if you've been divorced before, you can decide today, it's not happening again.

I will not happen again.

I'm going to fight for my marriage.

I'm going to fight for my covenant because it's important.

Covenant matters because that's what I know is this book talks a lot, a lot about marriage.

And we see this early on.

Genesis 2.

I joked last week with Pastor Andrew after the wedding.

I was like, dude, you took all my scriptures for my sermon next week.

And my wife Lydia was like, did you think there was going to be new verses in the Bible about marriage?

It's been here a long time, you know?

Genesis 2, 18 through 25, I think is what I have it as.

Then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone.

I will make him a helper fit for him.

I always laugh at this part because I just think Adam is like there in, he's there in, you know, creation and it's perfect and it's like he still needed someone to help him find his shoes or, you know, guys get it, right?

Where's the can opener at, honey?

Like, I don't know.

I don't know anything.

I don't know where anything is.

So he still needed a helper.

Now out of the ground, the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every birds of the heaven and brought them to the man to see what he would call them.

And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.

The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field.

But for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him.

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man.

And while he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.

And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman.

And he brought her to the man.

Then the man said, this is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

She should be called woman because she was taken out of man.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they should become one flesh.

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

And I love that we see that so early on.

The second chapter of God's word, we see that.

And then we see Jesus reiterated again in Mark.

Mark 10, 2 through 9.

The Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

Jesus answered them, what did Moses command you?

They said, Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.

And Jesus said to them, because of your hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment.

But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

Like I said, I believe deep in my bones that God loves marriage and he loves covenant.

And I'm thinking about that while I'm writing this sermon and I'm asking God questions about marriage.

And there's one question that keeps coming back to me over and over and over again.

And I'm just trying to get it out of my head, but it just keeps coming back.

And the question is, if God loves marriage and wants it to succeed, then why is it so difficult?

Why is it so hard?

And maybe you're in a marriage that things are great.

That has not always been our experience, I would say.

Maybe for Lydia it's been pretty great.

But I mean, I was hoping to get more laughs about that.

That really didn't go well.

But it's just, it is hard.

The divorce statistics show us it is a difficult track.

So when people say, it's not that hard, I'm like, that can't be true.

Because then there wouldn't be so many that fail.

Why is it so hard, right?

Let's think back to when you first met your spouse.

Some of you, you're going to have to go back a little ways, okay?

Think way back.

Okay, think about when you met him.

It was August 2010 for me.

I was student body president of a very, very, very small Christian college and I had to show up early for freshman orientation.

And I'm in the room, I'm in my room and I'm telling my roommate about my summer and catching up and I literally said these words, dude, I just want to get my degree and get out.

I do not, I'm not dating anyone this year.

I don't want anything.

I just want to get my paper and go.

And about five to 15 minutes later, time stood still as an angel walked onto the campus.

of my school.

Lydia Weaver at the time entered the room and the choir like the, ah, like you know what happened.

The time stood still for me.

As perfection walked in, this is actually a really great story, is like two weeks later, Lydia played volleyball at school and I knew the volleyball captain really well and I'm telling the volleyball captain, hey, introduce me, introduce me to that girl.

And she was like, what girl?

I was like, that one, the cutie over there, introduce me to her, introduce me to her.

And she was like, don't even bother.

She would never date you.

Those were her exact words.

She would never date you.

In your face, Rachel Lang, because I had more game left, I think.

Or Lydia had more mercy.

I don't know, but yeah, right?

Think back to when you first met your spouse, right?

And I think it's fascinating to go from that moment when you meet your spouse way back, and it's like that feeling of like, dude, I could run through a wall for you.

I feel like I float on air when you walk in the room, right?

I can lift anything.

Like, you just feel on fire.

And then it's like, how do you get from that to the other side of it where it's like the thought of that person absolutely disgusts you, right?

Like, you're like, ew.

Like, there's so much bitterness and resentment.

How do we go from that feeling to this one?

How does that occur?

And I had to look up the statistics to see what it was.

I think most people think 50% is the divorce rate in America.

I found a couple studies that said 40.

And it was actually weird.

I was actually back here in the church writing when I found that.

And I was like, oh, awesome.

We're trending right.

And then I was like, is it weird that I'm excited that two out of five marriages at best fail?

That's a weird thing to be excited about.

But I was like, what about the church?

You know, the world doesn't know the truth.

What about the church?

And there's a lot of studies out there, but the first couple I found said for Christians, the divorce rate is 39%.

So if the world's at 40, we'll say best case, the church is at 39.

Isn't that weird that that's the way it works?

Even though we're part of a religion that centers around love and forgiveness and grace.

It's just strange that that seems to be the case.

And I'm asking God, I'm like, why is it so hard?

Even in our Christian households, it's so hard.

And just the idea of marriage itself is a pretty radical idea.

I'm really trying to think through it when I'm writing this.

I'm like, whose idea was this?

To say, all right, let's take two people, often, who are opposites in every way, right?

Opposites attract, you know?

And then let's combine them together and have them live their entire life together.

Did you know life could be long?

It can be really long sometimes, right?

Some of you know that.

We're my newborn parents in the house, huh?

We got newborn parents in here?

We got a couple, right?

All right.

I see Jared over here.

You guys get it.

Those days blur together.

You don't even know what you're doing anymore.

It's like, I don't know if it's Tuesday or Saturday.

I'm getting pooped on.

I'm just trying to sleep.

And if you're running around after a toddler, God bless you, because it's just, those are hard times.

And I feel like that's kind of what it feels like to be in covenant with each other sometimes.

It can feel like a slog.

Like, hey, you hear your spouse crack their knuckles one too many times, cough a weird way, clear their throat.

I'm thinking about all the things I did that annoyed my wife.

Be late again.

It's like, there are times when you're like, am I, what was I thinking signing up for this?

Why did I do this to myself, right?

And then you take, those are the light topics, right?

Me and Lydia, the first two years of our marriage, the thing we fought about most was cleaning, right?

Okay?

I still, to this day, if you ask me, how often should you vacuum your house?

I say once a day.

That may be a controversial topic.

We have two kids and a dog, and every time I vacuum, that thing is full of dirt and hair.

If I ask Lydia today, how often should we vacuum?

The answer is once a week.

And I'm like, that is disgusting.

That is absolutely disgusting.

You guys, there's the light topics that you're on different pages about, right?

Like somebody wants to fill the gas tank up at halfway.

Some other person's like, let's run it down to E. Let's see how close we can get, right?

There's somebody who's the planner, somebody who's the saver, somebody who's the spender, right?

Those are the light things.

Now let's add in the heavy topics, like in-laws.

Let's add in kids and how to raise them.

Let's add in money and don't forget sex, right?

You are looking at some incredibly difficult topics to wade through for your entire life.

So why is it so hard?

I'm asking God, and he keeps pointing back to this verse.

I'm sure there's a lot of answers, but he keeps bringing me back to this passage.

In 1 John, 1 John 2, 15 through 17 says,

Do not love the world or the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

For all that is in the world, the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride of life is not from the Father, but is from the world.

And the world is passing away along with its desires.

But whoever does the will of God abides forever.

And I think that's what God was telling me is, hey, here's some great stuff to talk about for why it's so difficult.

We're going to talk about those three things.

And I learned it in Bible college as the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.

So we're going to talk about those three things and the counter to those three things today.

So the first point is the lust of the flesh.

Just a general definition, covers the pursuit of physical or sensory pleasure.

And there's a few examples of this, but the main one I want to focus on is sexual immorality.

And we're going to go to Galatians 5, 19 through 21 to start this one up.

Now the works of the flesh are evident.

Sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalry, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies.

We've got a lot going on here.

And things like these.

I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

And if we go back to Ephesians 5, which is where we're at today, Ephesians 5, 1 through 3.

Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But sexual morality in all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper for the saints.

Sexual morality is a big topic in marriage.

Infidelity is a significant factor in divorce.

I've read a bunch of stats on this.

It accounts for anywhere from 20% to 40% is what the range generally is.

In 60% of US states, it's the top reported reason for divorce.

One study I read said that 80% of divorces initiated by women cite infidelity as the primary cause.

It's a major issue, and I feel like our culture takes it lightly.

They're just like, you're just bags of flesh.

Do what you want.

And I don't think it's something that should be taken lightly.

I'm going to make a big assumption in here.

And I'm going to assume, if you're married in here, at one point or another, you thought your spouse was very attractive, and everybody should be doing this.

No one should shake their head.

It might be weird for everybody, okay?

Right?

Like, I know when I think back of Lydia Weaver, still perfection to this day.

But I remember Lydia and I, when I finally convinced her to go on a date with me...

I'm just going to make an example.

It was like, hey, let's meet in the lobby at 6 o'clock.

And I was a busy college kid, so I was like, I'm tired.

I'm going to take a nap.

But I set my alarm for 5 to wake up, make sure I was ready.

And next thing I know, someone's shaking me.

It was like...

I'm like, what?

And they're like, Lydia's waiting for you out in the lobby.

And I'm like, she's waiting for, what time is it?

And they're like, it's 6.10.

And I'm like, oh my gosh.

So I'm like, you know, first date, I'm like, oh, just trying to throw this stuff on.

I literally run out into the lobby.

And when I run through the door, I seriously stopped and I was like, whoa.

Whoa, absolute perfection, right?

Tens across the boards is what I'd say.

Even now, Lydia's like, can I wear this today?

I'm like, nope, it's a safety concern.

I'm embarrassing her right now.

You know, like, you can't wear that.

It'll stop traffic.

You're going to cause accidents.

It's not safe, right?

And I hope everybody feels this exact same way about their spouse.

I hope that you think your spouse is an absolute stunner, right?

And what's weird is,

If you're married, the lust of the flesh still exists.

You can think your spouse is tens across the board, and yet if you've been married a little bit, you kind of get it.

And it's uncomfortable to talk about, but it's there.

So I'm just like, all right, we're going to talk about it.

You get in an argument, you're heated.

And all of a sudden, you can feel the enemy in the back right here just telling you like...

You know that person at work or that person at the gym?

They wouldn't treat you like that.

They would treat you like the royalty you are.

They would worship the ground you walk on.

What's actually weird is one of those studies I read said that the people who cheat, 60% of them said the primary cause is that they feel unappreciated.

And so I think the enemy uses that to sit in the back there and just say, this person, you deserve better.

And then you convince yourself to go after something else.

And that's hard.

That's really hard.

And maybe some of you think, well, I've never actually done that.

I've never cheated on my spouse before.

I wouldn't do that.

What about pornography?

Why don't we start including that?

Because I think it counts.

And I mainly think that because Jesus said it.

So if you aren't familiar with Matthew 5, 27 through 28, we're going to read that real quick.

This is Jesus.

You have heard it was said, you shall not commit adultery.

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

No one's looking at pornography for the educational value, right?

There's something else going on.

And I just think, once you include that, the stats change big time for people.

And I couldn't find a decisive study on it, but I know the number's got to be high.

And it's not just for men, it's for women too.

This is a big deal.

The lust of the flesh is there, and it's out to destroy our marriages.

And so I'm asking God...

What do we do?

We are in a culture, this is just, we are surrounded by it.

It's like I can't walk through life with my head straight at the ground, can I?

What am I supposed to do?

And he takes me to 1 Corinthians 6, 13 through 20.

This is Paul.

Food is meant for the stomach and stomach for food.

And God will destroy both one and the other.

The body is not meant for sexual morality but for the Lord and the Lord for the body.

And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?

Shall I then take members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?

Never.

Never.

Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one with her?

For as it is written, the two will become one flesh.

But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.

Flee from sexual immorality.

Every other sin a person commits is outside the body.

But the sexual immoral person sins against his own body.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?

You are not your own, for you are bought with a price, so glorify God with your body.

And I want to go back to verse 18.

There's a simple phrase here.

Flee from sexual immorality.

Flee.

In the Greek, the term is fugete, I think.

I might have to stone look that up and see if that's actually right.

If I said it right anyway.

The term is used in a present imperative verb indicating a command to escape or run away from sexual morality.

And the word for that in the Greek is pornea, where we get pornography from.

The use of the present imperative suggests an ongoing habitual action, not a one-time decision.

It is not like when you're at home and something comes on the TV and you turn it off, you're like, I have fleed from sexual morality.

I will never worry about this again.

It's not like that.

It is an ongoing action that you have to rewire your brain.

And it's weird.

I'm thinking about an illustration for this, and I'm trying to think through...

what's an illustration that shows this?

And I thought about my dad.

And I'm sure this is when number two for me crying is going to happen, but I'm going to try to hold on.

My dad, growing up, when I was a kid, my dad was a fireman.

He was a fireman and paramedic.

And if you're the son of a fireman, it's like the ultimate winner in every argument.

It's like, my dad can beat up your dad.

I'm like, well, my dad saves people's lives for a living.

And your dad works behind a computer.

So I win.

It's funny, I was insulting those people's dads, and now I'm that dad.

I'm the guy who works behind the computer.

I've always been proud that my dad...

saved people's lives, that he did a heroic thing, a courageous job.

And he told me some cool stories over the years about things he did, but there's one story he told me that had nothing to do with firefighting or being a paramedic, and it has always stuck in my brain, and I thought about that with this.

There's not just firemen, there's firewomen.

And at some point along the way, they decided, hey, you know what?

We're just going to put all these people in one house together, and they're going to sleep in the same room.

And you can imagine what the inevitable happens, right?

Men and women, if you don't know, the Omaha Fire Department works a 24-hour shift, so they work overnight.

So you are there from 7 a.m.

to 7 a.m.

again, so you're there, so they sleep overnight.

The inevitable happens, people start sleeping together.

And I remember my dad telling me early on at some point, and I asked my sister if she remembered this too, and she did, that whenever there's a female firefighter in the house, he would not sleep in the same room.

And I don't think I really got it at the time.

I was like, why not?

Don't you want to sleep on a bed?

Like, get some rest?

He would sleep on some old couch in the basement or in the living room.

Because he didn't even want to entertain it.

He didn't even want to put himself in a position to do that.

And that stuck with me.

That stuck with me a lot because I'm like, dude, you have four kids.

And we were homeschooled.

So it's not like he came home and we went to school.

He had to come home and teach me math.

And it was not fun, right?

Don't you want your rest?

Why do this?

And it's because he decided I am putting a line in the sand.

I will not do this.

I will not do this because he's a man of God and he loves my mom.

And I don't know if he even knew this at the time.

I can't even look at him right now because I won't be able to talk.

I don't know if he knew this at the time when he was telling me and my siblings this story, that he was setting an example for us.

That in our family, we're not going to do this.

We are not going to do it.

You decide now that your covenant with your spouse matters.

And it matters more than your sleep.

It matters more than your money.

It matters more than anything.

Only Jesus stands before your spouse.

Everything else doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter if you've got an hour of sleep a night.

You still do it.

It's not worth it.

It's not worth the price to pay.

And that's meant a lot to me over the years.

A lot.

You are called to flee.

In that same passage in Matthew, Jesus talks about if your right eye causes you to sin, cut it off.

Pluck it out.

If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off.

If your laptop or your phone is a problem, throw it in the ocean.

Destroy it.

It is not worth it.

I would rather stop and ask directions for the rest of my life than have to do something that would violate my covenant with my wife.

I will not do it.

And that's my encouragement for people today is decide that you are actively going to destroy whatever is getting in the way that is drawing you to sexual morality.

If it's somebody at the gym, stop going to the gym.

You can do push-ups at your house.

You can do it, okay?

I've lost 35 pounds this year and I have entered the gym zero times.

And I'm not on a GLP-1, I just wanna throw that out too.

So if you are, it's fine.

I'm not trying to cast shame.

I'm just saying I've done all my workouts at home.

Go for a walk.

It's not worth it.

If you're at work, it might be time to start looking for someplace else or pray that God's gonna deliver something else.

There's serious prayer that goes into that.

It's not worth the price for it.

We are called to flee from sexual immorality.

All right, second point, lust of the eyes.

The desire for things we see leading to greed, covetousness, and longing for possessions.

And again, I think there's a lot to unpack there, but I wanted to go back to covetousness.

I have a hard time saying that.

I don't know why.

It's a weird word to me.

Okay, but I want to go back to Ephesians 5.3 for this one.

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among the saints.

And I think I want to go back to this because I feel like this is something that all marriages struggle with at some point in time.

Like being jealous or longing for something else.

Right?

If you ever look...

You were looking at another couple and you're like, man, I wish we had that.

I wish that my wife or my husband was like that.

And your spouse is thinking the same thing, right?

Which is so weird that we compare because every marriage is so radically different.

So different.

There's a guy in my work who got engaged like three months ago.

He was telling me and I was like, bro, you are a living example.

There is somebody for everybody because he is a complete character.

My dad always says there's a sock for every shoe, right?

Like, they're so different, but then why do we have the tendency to, like, I want to compare my marriage to this one, when they're not even alike in so many ways?

We sit there and we sow dissent and disunity among each other, which is great.

I'm sure it's what the enemy loves doing.

Okay?

I'm going to bring back a story from me and my wife.

This is a bit of a PG-13 story, so I'm going to apologize to the younger people in the audience and my nieces and nephew, so...

Early on in my marriage, I'm a reader.

I like to read.

And early on in my marriage, I was like, I'm going to read a lot about marriage because I'm going to be a great husband.

That's what I'm going to do.

And I read very early in many books, many books, it was like, hey, Josh, if you want more bedroom time with your wife,

You've got to start doing more stuff outside the bedroom.

You guys ever hear that phrase, sex starts in the kitchen?

It's like, you've got to start doing some stuff outside.

And I'm like, well, I can do this.

You guys heard me in my vacuuming stuff.

I'm clean.

I can clean, right?

So I decided early, I'm like, I'm about to do a lot of stuff outside of the bedroom so I get rewarded later for this.

So I would spend a day off, and I'd be like, I'm going to run errands.

I'm going to deep clean the bathroom.

I'm going to walk the dog.

And when Lydia comes home, she's just going to drag me to the bedroom before she even gets in.

Because she's going to be overwhelmed with gratefulness for how great I am.

I would do all this stuff, and Lydia would come home from her day at work.

And it'd be like 15 minutes.

She's unloading.

She's talking about her day.

And of course, I'm like, are you going to notice anything I've done?

And finally, I'm like, did you notice I cleaned the bathroom?

And she'd be like, cool.

And I'm like, cool?

Did...

Did the book lie to me?

What happened?

Where's my reward?

And I was like, I must have done it wrong.

So I would spin the circle.

Instead of having a conversation about my expectations, I would just spin circles like, I must have done it wrong.

I'll try again next time.

And inevitably, the fight would happen.

Now you see why cleaning was part of our fighting for the first two years.

Yeah.

And I remember at some point telling Lydia, I was like, if I was married to somebody else, do you have any idea how grateful they would be?

And Lydia being Lydia just looked at me and was like, well, you're married to me.

And I was like, that is a good point, right?

Why do we do that?

Why do we sit there and be like, I was married to this person.

It's like, well, you're not.

You're married to me.

And I think that's really interesting.

And I'm thinking about this, and I'm thinking about how the enemy just laughs when you're dissatisfied in your marriage.

And I'm like, what is the answer to this?

What is the answer to covetousness, to jealousy?

to being ungrateful.

And I'm in Ephesians 5.

It's one of the first things I noticed when I read this chapter was Ephesians 5, 4, right after that.

So if we go back to 3, sexual morality, all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among the saints.

Let there be no filthiness, no foolish talk, nor crude joking, which are out of place.

But instead, let there be thanksgiving.

And if you go to 15 through 20, we'll see the word thanksgiving again.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but wise, making the best use of time because the days are evil.

Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.

addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

That's the counter to covetousness, is thanksgiving, is being grateful.

You ever told your spouse thank you for something and they were shocked?

Has that ever happened to anyone?

Like, hey, thanks.

And they're like, oh, that's happened to me.

It's like, oh, do I not do that enough?

That really counteracts.

When you actually sit back and think how grateful you are for something, it really makes you appreciate everything else and realize how blessed you are.

Right?

When you sit back and you're like, wow.

You, Lydia, went through and put all the tabs in my Bible.

I just told her, I was like, I would like this done.

She did it all.

She just did it.

And I was like, wow, that was really nice.

No ulterior motive.

No ulterior, just like, hey, I want to help you out.

I'm like, that is, thanks.

I appreciate that.

I'm grateful that you do that stuff for me, right?

That's what I'm talking about.

It's just being grateful.

So doing those things for your spouse when it's just been a hard day and saying like, you know what?

I'm going to get you cheesecake.

That's a winner for Lydia.

That's an automatic, that's a winner.

I get out of the doghouse with cheesecake a lot.

That helps a lot.

Thank God for cheesecake.

Cooking a meal for your spouse.

Doing the dishes.

Where's Jake at?

Where's my boy Jake?

Jake is a fellow dishwasher.

I also claim I do the lion's shares of dishes in my house.

And I remember one time Jake and I were in a small group together and we were lamenting over that we have to do dishes all the time.

And I remember telling him, I was trying to like encourage him, and his father-in-law's here now, so I'll say this.

I was like, if Kayla's dad told you, like if you asked, can I marry Kayla?

And he said, yes, on one condition.

You have to do every dish for the rest of your life.

Would you do it?

And he was like, every day.

And I was like, me too.

I would do that for Lydia any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

And yet we complain so much about it too.

Just be grateful for the things your spouse does for you.

So homework.

I have homework for you guys.

I've never done homework before, but homework for you folks who are married.

Think of five things to thank your spouse for.

I think I have this up here.

And an action or two to show them how appreciative you are.

And don't actually put some thought into this.

Don't just walk into the room and be like, and they're sitting on the couch and be like, I'm really grateful you're here in the room with me.

And I'm grateful that you...

sat on this couch.

Like, put some effort into it.

Try to think about it.

It's amazing how that counteracts your ungratefulness and your jealousy.

It'll change everything for you.

All right, point three, pride of life.

Generally means boasting in self, refusing to apologize, trusting in your own success, and demanding control.

I was like, oh man, these are all hit marriage hard.

And I was thinking about the counter to these immediately, and I was like, well, it's already in Ephesians 5 when we talk about submission and love.

Those are the counter to the pride of life.

You ever been in a fight in your marriage, and you're in there for like 15, 20 minutes, and you're just going at it?

And at some point, you're thinking, I don't even remember what we're fighting about anymore.

But you're like, but I'm going to win.

I'm winning this one.

I'm going to win this fight.

I know people feel that.

I know that's true, right?

Why do we get like that?

Why are we like a dog on a bone when it's like, I don't even know what we're fighting.

Does it even matter anymore?

It's because our pride is so big.

It's so big.

And I think naturally there's counters to this in Ephesians 5.

And I'm a guy, so naturally what I hit on immediately is submission.

And when Lydia and I are in the middle of it, I'm like, just submit.

Just do what the Bible says and stop it.

And before anyone gets a protest sign out and throws a rock at me, I'm going to get to the guys here in a minute.

That's not the proper way of submission, but there is something to that.

And this is a hard message to receive and partially why I'm also a little nervous to talk about this is because I recognize in our culture, it is not a happy word to say to submit to somebody.

We are the United States of America.

We don't submit for anybody.

But yet God calls us in our marriage as women to submit to your husbands.

Now, I don't think that means your husband has 99% control over you.

And you have one.

I think it's more like 50.01 and 49.99.

Like if push comes to shove.

There are things Lydia knows more about.

We were just talking about this yesterday at a small group.

There's something that came up about baking.

And I was like, I don't think I've baked a single thing since I've been married to you.

I don't know if I've baked anything before I was married to you either.

But like, I will defer to you on certain subjects because I know nothing about it.

Right?

But when push comes to shove...

This isn't Josh Laughlin's opinion.

This is the creator of the universe's opinion, that the man is the one who gets the nod.

And I'm going to say this now.

It sounds fun when you're in charge.

It's not, because you're the one who has to answer for it.

We answer for it later.

And I don't know, my dad was bringing this illustration to me not that long ago when he said, like, at the end of time, he has the vision that God is going to call, like, families forward to judge you, and then he'll...

Have the family stay back and the dad, like 50 feet, like you guys stop and the dad has to come up.

And that is scary when you really think about it.

That's scary.

So I just ask, if you are in that season where you have to submit to your husband, try to be gracious.

We're not perfect.

I tell people at work all the time, I know I'm not perfect because I'm a dad and I'm married.

So I'm reminded quite often I'm not perfect.

Show some grace.

But submit when you need to.

Now I'll get to the guys, okay?

I think we're quick to throw out the submission thing.

It's like, oh, this is the hammer.

I'm going to win because I have this.

But what about loving your bride like Christ loves the church?

Have you thought about what that means?

I know for me, I think I get into it and I'm like, I'm a good guy.

I work.

I put food on the table.

There's a roof over your head.

Your life's good.

I love you.

You know it, right?

But when I go back to Ephesians 5.25...

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

My study Bible has a great note on this.

I think I put it up here for us, for Ephesians 5.25.

Husbands are to love their wives in a self-sacrificial manner, following the example of Christ who gave himself up for the church in loving self-sacrifice.

Clearly, the biblical picture of a husband laying down his life for his wife is directly opposed to any kind of male tyranny or oppression.

The husband is bound by love to ensure that his wife finds their marriage a source of rich fulfillment and joy.

You are to love like a servant.

Jake brought that up earlier.

He said something.

I always think about Jesus washing his disciples' disgusting feet.

Like, and they're just so dusty and gross.

And the God of the universe could have called a legion of angels down to do that for him, and he did it himself.

Isn't that kind of crazy to think of that?

That's the representation of what we are supposed to have as men for our wives.

And that is a heavy load to carry.

It is not just you went to work.

You are supposed to lead by example.

When you don't want to do the dishes, you do the dishes.

When you don't want to discipline the kid, you discipline the kid.

You stand up for your wife and you love her like she deserves to be loved.

That's a hard thing to carry.

I have homework again for you.

And I strongly encourage this.

This is a couple's assignment.

Don't do this before you go to bed or while you're in bed for sure.

I wouldn't do it.

Put some thought into this.

If you're a husband, ask your wife, how can I lay down my life for you?

How can I better show I love you?

If you're a wife, what are some areas I could submit to you in or some respect you in?

What are some ways I could do that better?

These could be very difficult conversations.

Lydia and I have been to couples therapy several times.

And I'm like, well, we're married.

We need help.

These are going to be hard things to wade through.

It's worth it, though, because your marriage is worth it.

You should work more on your marriage than you plan your vacations.

Some of us are like, I'm thinking about Cancun, and I put a lot of time in, but I haven't talked about a relationship at all yet.

Put more time in.

Make it intentional.

Turn the TV off and do it.

Do your homework.

Worship team, you guys can come up.

We've covered a lot of ground today, but I mean, marriage is such a complicated subject.

We could do a five-month sermon series on marriage, I think.

It's just so much.

But there's one other thing I wanted to talk about really quick as we're closing out, and that's the topic of spiritual warfare in marriage.

And I noticed this about a year and a half ago.

A year and a half ago, I was asked to join our deliverance team, which I talked about as helping believers get free from demonic oppression.

There's a group of us here that we meet with people, usually every Saturday, and we do deliverance sessions with people.

And we're kind of on the front lines of spiritual warfare, fighting against the enemy with the power of the Holy Spirit.

And I was asked to join that team about a year and a half ago, and around the same time, Pastor Alex asked me to preach at our men's group.

And I decided to preach on the subject of deliverance.

And it was a great, I felt very honored to be asked, I felt honored to speak.

But then something really weird happened in my house for the next two to three months.

And I felt like me and Lydia were in a very, very difficult turmoil season.

We were just fighting about everything.

And I don't know if you guys have been that season where it's like, man, it just feels like anything we bring up, we're going to argue about.

And it's like, we're just spinning our wheels for two or three months.

And one day we're at church.

And at the end of the service, like Pastor Alex always does, he invites people, if you want prayer, you can come up and get prayer from our ministry team.

And Lydia and I had just had an argument on the way to church, so we were already frustrated.

And both of us at the same time were like, we should probably get prayed for.

It's probably time.

So we went up and we met with Carrie Lewis.

Carrie is the head of our deliverance team and one of the head of our ministry teams.

And we're kind of going through all the stuff that's going on in our life.

And she's like, well, you know why, right?

And I was like,

Like, no, I don't.

She's like, it's because the enemy is super angry with you.

Did you think you were going to stand up in front of a group of 40 men and talk about getting free from demonic oppression and there wasn't going to be a fight back?

The enemy, when you're comfy...

They don't, you're fine there.

But when you start advancing the kingdom of God, that's when the enemy kicks up his arms.

And that's the first time in my life I felt like I was slapped in the face and I realized that devil hates my marriage.

He hates your marriage.

And not just yours.

It wouldn't matter if you were two Satanists.

He would still hate your marriage.

He wants disunity.

He wants to see the family unit disappear.

He wants split homes because when there's disunity at the ground level, it's difficult for the kingdom of God to advance.

The enemy hates your marriage.

And as I'm reading in Ephesians 5, it strikes me, it's no accident that the God of the universe who authored this great book for us took the most popular passage on marriage and immediately after it is the most popular section on spiritual warfare.

And I don't want to steal a lot from Pastor Steph from next week, but I wanted to read Ephesians 6, 10 through 12 and read it through the frame of marriage.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.

Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness.

against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

And my main call to action, folks, is this.

Put your feet on the ground in your marriage with this passage.

This is one you should be going back to often because your battle is not against your spouse.

It's against the enemy.

And so when you're arguing about the kids or money or sex or cleaning or whatever it is, stop for just a second and pray.

And I'm not saying when you're heated right in the middle of it, you're gonna be like, wait, let's pray.

You may not wanna do that, right?

You may need to be like, hey, we need 10, 15 minutes.

Like, let's take a break.

That's usually encouraged anyway, right?

And you can go back and think,

Wait, there's something else that's happening right now.

There's something else that's happening right now.

The enemy wants me to be discouraged.

They want me to throw away my covenant.

And you can decide right then and there, you do not have to do that.

You are seated with Christ in the heavenly places.

You have the exact same power of the Holy Spirit inside you that Jesus had.

You can fight back against the enemy.

The God of this universe knit you two together from the beginning of creation.

And knew that you were meant for each other.

Isn't that crazy to think about that?

That before time began, God knew Lydia and I were going to be yoked together.

And he knew we were going to be a team.

And knew the same thing for you guys if you're married.

That is an incredible thought.

Because I think what happens a lot of times in marriage, we get nervous when we start thinking about, oh, the enemy's out to get me.

The enemy's out to get me.

Well, you know what the good news is?

The enemy lost.

They've already lost.

One of my favorite passages...

One of my favorite passages to read in deliverance sessions, out loud, because the enemy cannot hear your thoughts, they cannot read your mind, is Colossians 2, 13 through 15.

And you who are dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him.

having forgiven us all our trespasses by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands.

This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.

He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame by triumphing over them in him.

The God of this universe has already defeated the enemy.

And the God of this universe wants your covenant to matter.

He wants your marriage to work.

And that, it should be an encouragement to you that somebody out there, not just somebody, the most magnificent being you could ever imagine loves you so much and loves your spouse the same.

And he wants your marriage to work.

That's where you should be.

So that's my call today.

As our ministry team comes up here, if you need prayer today against the enemy for your marriage, if you want to break off the curse of divorce in your life, come get it.

If you want to break off the curse against the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, the pride of life, come get it.

Your marriage is worth it.

Put your feet on the ground and put it into action.

Because it takes one decision to change your family tree.

And the effect that has that John and Marissa Ledea are going to have on the next 60 years of their life.

I cried three times the two of us because of you.

That's amazing when I think about that.

The effects that has for the next 60 years of their life on their kids, on their grandkids, on their great-grandkids, that is amazing.

The kingdom of God is going to advance because the covenant in the Lede household is so strong.

And that's powerful.

Don't sit back and do nothing.

Fight for your marriage.

Fight for your covenant.

Fight for your spouse.

Let's pray.

God, just thank you, Lord.

Just thank you for marriage.

Just thank you, Lord, that you knew the plan.

You say in Ephesians, it's a mystery.

And it doesn't have to make sense to the world, but it's the way that your word designed it.

You designed it to be this way, that we would be in community with each other.

And I just thank you, Father, for that.

Thank you for every marriage in here and the impact it's going to have on generations to come.

Because every marriage is a chance to be a witness to somebody else about love and about forgiveness.

And that all shines back to you, Jesus, at the cross.

So, Father, I just thank you for that.

I pray against the enemy, against the spirit of divorce in people's life.

I pray, Lord, just for covenant to break through.

I pray that you would just bind people together, Lord, that you'd bind them as that rope, that cord of three strands, Lord, that your Holy Spirit would just come into marriages, Father.

I ask for forgiveness to come forth.

I ask for the enemy to flee in the name of Jesus.

We just thank you, Father, for that.

Just thank you for your son.

Thanks that you are in covenant with us no matter what.

You love us so much.

Amen.